Goodnight

strange shadow

Darkness

 Have I been

Out of sheen

Sometimes I ask

Myself about the mask

Everyone seems to wear

And I still dunno where

I'm caged 

Is it staged

To make me feel

There's a way still

Left to escape

From this state

Fall is Back, Fool is Behind

Back

....I found myself in the wood

....where I found my mood

And then I happened 

To feel like neglected

But I couldn't say

If it was the way

I've walked a bit

And so I asked it

To myself and to

The one I stepped into

But then I got back

And it's still black

But so I think

It won't stink

Falling into Fall

She was watching at the wood behind the bars and the sky cloudy and dark, it was getting darker and she was think about that wolf, the one she had met almost a year ago...where was he? She could hear him howl but then was it just a dream? Impossible coz her dreams were only black pages, black spaces where she used to get lost at night .... 

Shave Me

21 EX

There was something else to do downstairs and they took her there without so many explanations ....they let her enter a room and lay on a narrow table ....so they were gone and she was just looking at the ceiling thinking back at the last time she had been upstairs instead... A much more interesting place ....this strange room was darker than ever and there was a strange robot, so big and dreadfully inexplicable....she just lied down and watched it moving around....sometimes it was like talking but she couldn't understand nor she was interested ....they took there everyday and this machine turned out to be like a weird friend ....not as weird as she was feeling to be....

 

Shave me Again

One day they told her ....do you remember you had long hair? She said she didn't and they told her you can now have her back! She didn't reply coz she couldn't understand what the h*ll they were talking about but when she saw her hair springing on her head she asked her friend a shaver and so she set her head right leaving all the doctors puzzled.... 

Radiations

They took her to another room, another wing of that strange building and another face....it wasn't so bad and she kind feel better, when he told her he already knew everything ...   Well he told her they would have been playing with her body a little bit and then they tattooed on her four points....she didn't understand so much what it was all about and when she was back to her cell she was a bit puzzled but nothing could let her doubtful as much as that unknown before she had to deal with ....also those blackest nights and then....what else was that all about? She was asking herself without any answer and it was ....it could even had been scary but it was ....her mind was just numb about it....

No Way

They've been keeping her hair short, that meant shaved and she couldn't remember what it all happened....when she found herself in that cell she was like that...shaved....then she started to think they could come in her room in the night when she was in that black coma she's couldn't call sleep....her hair never grew up....until that day she saw them springing from the top of her head, like a Mohawk ....she didn't feel like it and she didn't want it.... She's been hating that look like she knew she had long hair once, where it didn't matter, neither when....but then that sudden change ....she asked one of her fellow fool to shave her ....those doctors got pretty puzzled and crazy about it, they locked her in her room/cell to be sure....about what? She wasn't up doing anything else....

Radioactivity

Zoo

It was like she liked it....it was like they were there....all those little big fools have been taken to a display room to each some slides....they said it was like taking there to the zoo....was it? She kept on trying to remember ....have u ever been there? Do I like animals ....and then it came, that slide.....that wolf ....looking at her, looking at the shooter, was someone shooting at her ....am I linked to a wolf....bounded....who is the wolf and where is it....than she remember only that time she escaped....how did she do? How did I do? The wolf I meet .....now in this who is the one I met in that wolf....was the one I really want now to take me away....away from my black mind, my black blind night....every night I think back at that wolf....how did he come to suddenly disappear? 

 

Radioactivity Again

And they took her downstairs, without speaking, only injecting in her something fluorescent that seemed dangerous and they all waited behind a glass until she was scanned....but she was thinking about one of her fool mates who had bed declared dead .....she didn't make it, they told her when she asked where the hell she was....they told her she was too weak to go on ....and so she was the second friend she lost in there....she couldn't think about that world.....how could it be so hard....and so maybe that was the meaning she couldn't remember, she couldn't dream anymore....she was sorry but also kinda frozen and numb....she let them take her here and there and inject and take until they were done and took her back to her room, no tears ....she was just not able to believe it....  

 

I Hate You

Sometimes she was angry and couldn't stand anyone...she refused to go in the main room to join her fool mates ....she could not stand them neither....she was sad, all those black nights and those meaningful sentences, she didn't want to be judged and classified anymore but it was happening anymore, she didn't like it ....she was wondering who else did this to her but it was an horrible feeling when someone was there telling you how you could have been better when all she did was trying to survive that inexplicable place....

Sick Hot Cell

She was there in the cell, in the mind, trying to feel normal....they took her downstairs in the morning .... She didn't know what did they want from her but they got her back inside her cell and she started wondering. Nothing more....that conviction was long and puzzling and ....her nights were black, no dreams, nothing ....she was missing the attic and the air she could breath up there and the fathomless skill to feel fine and the shining stars and that was a drop of goodness in an ocean of little hard wars...

By the Pool

She was "invited" along with some other fool-mates by the pool.... Didn't she knew that place had also a shiny little corner of normality in that sea of oblivion ....and it was so good for watching those little waves made her forgot that she had a list mind ....forgetting to be forgotten and to have forgotten.... It was so nice there and she liked it.... What was it all about? She didn't know and she just enjoyed that moment in time....instead of the main room that was so called the main pool by them….

Odd Injection Inside

Odd

She couldn't understand why they were saying those things about downstairs ....the horses ....what were they going to do with the horses? She was kind of missing this beast, strange and watching her with glowing white eyes...what was it for real? She knew that horse didn't escape and she started to doubt she could do it neither...she knew that horse was there, she knew the upstairs rooms were closed but she also knew she was going to meet that black horse again...somehow, somewhere, why?

 

Injection 

And so they took her downstairs and so they didn't say a word and it was so gloomy, dark and humid all morning long, until the took her upstairs again....they were all so serious and they they just kept on whispering nonsense and they seemed disappointed for it had been all useless, that room got like a waste of time and of her need to have something from her she couldn't understand ....and so she didn't eve dare to understand...it was like that ....closed the room downstairs and closed was she again in her cell closer to upstairs but not enough to see the stars, not even the stairs to reach it....

 

Inside

She was kinda puzzled. She was ready to go to that kind of trip she had heard about but then...nothing more to know or to say and so in the coming and falling night she was feeling kinda puzzled and she decided it was no good to dare to escape...where was she going to be? Was she tempted not to come back in cafe of? She had been ready to do it, anything that it was...that trip, nothing, it was no more...

Unbelievable

22. Unbelievable

They were going to let her go upstairs and she heard them saying they didn't want to take her downstairs anymore...they didn't need her anymore ... All that was to be done was done there and nothing ... She couldn't here anything more... And she didn't dare to ask just like she always did ...avoiding to ask...she was tired of that place....she was happy to see that horse again and was hoping to see that mare again... 

Walking in circles

21. Walking in circles

She was walking in circles in a room she didn't know, downstairs...they closed her in the room with the horse again....there was this black and grey horse staring at her and she didn't know what she was supposed to be....she knew they were watching but she didn't know what they were expecting ....it's been a long and tiring day the one before and she was feeling better in the morning but the good vibration soon died when she realized where she was and what they were going to do to her...

In There Again

19. Closed

And she was taken downstairs and so she felt low down, rain started to fall and she could just hear it in the distance .... No windows, no one coming there to tell her something ....she missed her friends and the stars and those precious moments watching them. Only docs and nurses and nothing else but experiments and treatments no more painful...

20. Good Morning Prison

Not that she was that 

Good, her best bet

Not to forget 

Her past life

Impossible to file

She wanted her style 

Not to be killed by pills

But to be as strong as steel

She knew she was there still

Locked in the cell 

Not feeling so well

So hard it did smell 

One o'clock

At Night
It was very late when she felt kinda tired but she didn't want to go to bed.... Those sleeping moments of hers were all the same, all black holes and nothing else, no dreams, not even nightmares and she started to feel afraid, fear not of the dark, that was natural, fear of the complete blackness she fell in every time she fell asleep... Nothing could let her understand and she fell in it once again....

At Day
She was in her cell, chained to the chair, lost in the mind, wondering why...what am I doing? Trying to remember who she was before was her daily training but in the moment she stopped doing it she stepped in the oblivious side of her her mind, the oblivion was swallowing her slowly, she once counted on her mind to remember but then she forgot to try to get back.....

7-8-9

She was feeling strange
That was almost a rage
But against nothing for
She was lonely and thorn
She was nothing to form
A kind of silly sensation
A kind of sense of alienation
She was feeling a prisoner

9-10-11
It was late at night until she decided to stop walking in circles and when she sat on her bed she kept on watching thru her window trying to understand a bit and then trying to escape with her mind there out there or maybe even in there that building to know what it was, to know how it was possible she was inside and sometimes she didn't even care to go out coz it was there the only place she knew...and the moon was like smiling from behind the bars of her window of her mind...like it was a spotlight pointing on a stage...

Where is my Storm?

Despite the black clouds
There is no more sounds
Of those black thoughts
For I feel kinda tough
But maybe am I wrong
For sure I won’t groan
I can only try
To satisfy
What I feel
So weak still
And I wonder no more
I know you are the gore

Almost

Threatening Me

She was released for lunch but the bad docs (those from downstairs) told her they would have come and picked her tomorrow, the following morning to take her downstairs, she needed further treatments.... Anyway she was free to go in the main room and enjoy her fool-mates ....she couldn't think about anything else and this took her sudden anger away from her.... 

Bloody Monday

She was sad for she lost a lot of things and she was gloomy for she was downstairs again, little treatments, pills and wait and chains and loneliness .... Luckily their dream and hopes kept her awake and connected to what she wanted to know she was.... Or maybe to the things that made her accept that imprisonment... 

Wasted Day

It was so horrible to stay down there when the others were all upstairs and soon enjoying the main room .. And losing it meant losing even the Sunday morning eventual outing ...the thought of the stars made her load even more heavy and she was crashing against the walls of her mind, her thoughts were closed as much as the she was, everything was horrible and gloomy and loneliness started to peek, a weird peek-a-boo game, she had to play nonetheless....   

Rise & Fall

Hope

She was double hoping, first to go soon upstairs and see the stars, then not to be taken downstairs to see the experimenter ...she really needed to go up as mush as she feared to go down...

 

Anger

The wrong doc came and told her she was going downstairs soon, tomorrow .... She lost it...she couldn't take it, being there... Horrible was not only the treatment but even the lost of the main room meeting with her friends.... She got so angry and mad two nurses had to kept her still and sedate her... No moment  could have been more horrible.....

The Fall

The right doc took her upstairs, she knew it was the only way to calm her down and soon... She untied her and took her upstairs in the attic where the stars could have been seen... The night was perfect but turned into an horrible day for they took her downstairs where everything was unlike she wanted it to be....  

In the closet

She was feeling...she couldn't say anymore how much lonely and sad she was for the treatments left her kinda dizzy...it was horrible and the bitterness in her mind grew and grew....she was drowning in it coz she was feeling heavy .... What the hell did they do to her? She almost didn't care and she kept on staring at the piece of blue and sunny piece of sky she could see thru her little barred window...

Where is She?!

17. Inside
Locked in the smallest room, why? She didn’t ask, she didn't wonder, she was just weeping a little, little tears invisible, for she couldn't even be sad, the blackness of the little room was wrapping and comforting and eating swallowing her…

18. Outside
The attic was there and she reached it... Late at night she sneaked out, door left unlocked, halls like desert and no one around....the perfect time to reach the stars ....at least with a glance...for a while...

19. In the Middle
A nice afternoon in the main room with the others but she was looking out and wondering when they would all be released....then the meeting came to an end just like always and they brought her back to her cell...

20. Nowhere
They were all celebrating Easter and she didn't even remember what it was….they could hear them all celebrating in the main room and they almost looked like normal people ... But it was just a lunch in an asylum where doctors were just testing their cavies....